


i said i wouldn't cry

by mingyas



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, don't tell me lance wouldn't, protect keith kogane at all costs, that vlog had me shook
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-04 12:11:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12168633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mingyas/pseuds/mingyas
Summary: lance finds keith's video log.





	i said i wouldn't cry

He finds it by accident, sort of.

It's a late night in the castle and the Blue (but now, isn't he considered Red?) Paladin finds himself scrolling through the last of his logs that he needs to finish reading for the night. The list seems endless: battle patterns, last known locations of Lotor's ship, Haggar's work with the druids, Shiro's pod... the data washes over Lance and he sighs, blinking his tired eyes as he wills himself to stay up just a little longer.

He doesn't realize he's falling asleep until his monitor buzzes, reminding him quietly that it's a few quintets past what the castle called "midnight." A squint at the clock and he sees that it's 0200 Earth hours, which earns him a yawn. So much for his beauty sleep. 

Lance fumbles through his data, giving a half-blind tap on some folder that he couldn't read the name of... 

Wait, they had video logs?

Sure enough, there are two new files sitting there, one from Coran and the other from Keith.

He's not Pidge, but it doesn't take Lance very long to unlock the Altean folders in order to view their log dates. Coran's is better well-hidden, obviously a new security feature, but Keith's is well... Keith. Lance tries not to laugh as his fingers hover over the file, imagining the boy (who lived in the desert, with probably no internet) shuffling awkwardly in front of a camera.

Lance watches Coran's and immediately breaks out into a smile, watching the castle technician twirl his mustache as he recites what not to do in space. He's giggling through the whole thing - half of these occurrences were probably his fault - when suddenly the screen shifts to Keith, his video queuing up on autoplay. Even through a recording, Lance can feel his heart skip a beat - there's always been something...  _rogue_ about this guy, with his piercing violent eyes and sharp jaw. Seeing him like this was oddly intimate, and kind of funny. What would Keith do if he was a vlogger? Probably just record himself in the training room and flight tricks with Red through asteroid belts or other cool stuff. 

"Is this thing on?" Keith asks, his voice unsteady. 

He's looking off-camera, concern in his eyes as he asks someone - presumably Hunk or Pidge - what he should say. After a few seconds of scowling and awkward blinks, he settles into himself.

"I'm Keith, the pilot of the Black Lion," he continues to look serious for a moment before his expression falls and he groans. "Why did I say that? You already know that, um-"

It's so awkward. The first thing Lance notices is Keith's traditional standoffish stance, but he seems... different. More vulnerable, worried, even. The paladin introduces himself with a scowl at the camera and Lance can feel it in the way his voice lowers, how he rests his hands against the table. He's not really sure what it is, probably nerves and some level of anxiety - Lance has it too, sometimes - but it bothers him. Immensely. 

"Um, I guess I'm part Galra."

Then it hits him. 

Keith is scared.

"Being half-Galra is kind of a big deal. Guess it explains why I've always had a hard time connecting with people."

He goes on to talk about that night months ago - the one where he'd gotten blown up into a coma, Lance remembers with a grimace - about the Voltron chant.

He still remembers that?

"Like, if I say 'Voltron' that's it, the chant is over, it doesn't have to be that complicated!"

He slams his fists against the table and Lance winces at the sound. He's just so... _upset._  There's an undertone of frustration in his voice, but he's mainly confused. Lance feels bad for teasing him when he didn't know the chant. Would Keith even have learned that from anyone? He was an orphan, right? Did he ever learn handshakes at recess with the other kids? 

Lance has half the mind to comm Keith and tell him he's sorry before he remembers that it's just a recording.

Keith seems to realize this as well and his eyes widen before sitting back down, embarassed.

"I'm so sorry, I-" he takes a breath, and Lance lets out one that he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Seeing Keith apologize was... new. Whenever they argued, Shiro always told them to make up and push their rivalry aside for the team. Lance understood why, but he wasn't sure if Keith ever did. Until now.

"I'm sorry I just... have issues with my temper, so... I-I don't really know why I'm that way."

Lance sits there in stunned silence, every muscle in his body tensing up and Keith takes a breath and looks shyly into the camera.

"Maybe... I'm naturally untrusting because my mom left me?"

Oh.

Lance bites his lip, shifting his head so that his head rests on his shoulder.

  
Where would he be without his mamá? Lance doesn't even want to imagine it, though sometimes when he sees Allura staring a little too long into space or Pidge fumbling around on her laptop he remembers. That they all have families that they left - or left them - and that this intergalactic space war was something that none of them had ever asked for. Lance had always felt somewhat selfish for missing Earth so much, it seemed as if everyone else still had a right to be here except for him. Allura and Coran were the last of their kind, Keith's mother was Galran, Shiro had his arm and a year taken from him, Pidge lost her father and brother, and Hunk had Shay and her people to save.

Where did he fit? All he wanted to do was go home, see the beach and the shack one more time, hug his mother and his siblings. Was that really too much to ask?

"And so instead of accepting people into my life I... push them away before they reject me." Keith continues, startling Lance out of his thoughts. The red paladin is looking away now, a sense of shame but also sadness washing over him. 

"...Guess I have a lot of walls up."

He rubs his fingers together slowly, as if he's trying to comfort... himself. Had he always had to do that on his own?

The video ends and Lance stares down at his own palms, turning them over to reveal the childhood scars on his knuckles. He'd gotten the one on his ring finger when he was three, wrestling his little brother so hard that he'd slammed it into the doorframe of their bedroom. There's still the one on his index finger from when he'd burned breakfast in bed for his sisters because the music was up too loud.

He feels terrible for what he's said to Keith in the past, no matter how much the red paladin had gotten on his nerves. He was hurting, He'd never known his mom, He'd... lost Shiro twice. Keith was just a kid, forced into a leadership position that he didn't want and, up until now, Lance didn't think he deserved.

But now, looking up through the castle walls at the stars, Lance feels as if there's no one better for the job.

\---

He finds it hard to look at Keith the next morning, but hopes that nobody notices.

The files were private. His life was private. Everything had to go back to normal.

Except it wasn't.

Lance is hyperaware of Keith during their mission despite being exhausted, watching him pilot the Black Lion during a drill they've done thousands of times.

It's still a little weird, seeing him like that. Usually they would tag team using Red and Blue, but Allura was still learning and Black was still a little too slow. He eyes Keith floating a little too close to a cliff's edge for comfort, straight into a stray sentry's line of fire. 

"Hey mullet, enemy fire on your nine."

He knows that Keith's already seen it based on how quickly the paladin shifts his lion upward, its maw widening to deliver a blast. But his lion is still too slow for its new pilot's reactions, and Allura had stopped providing cover fire to flank Hunk and Pidge. Without thinking, Lance urges Red forward, and she all but leaps into the rows of sentries, lighting them on fire so quickly that Keith barely has a second not to hit them by accident. 

"I had that!" Keith shouts through the comms. Lance smirks.

"Too slow!"

The two quickly fly back to the others, where Allura is waiting patiently. Lance can't help but take a breath at the sight of her - she's beautiful. Her hair has fallen out of its signature bun to rest around her shoulders, her white curls illuminated by the soft pink of her armor. No matter how many times she rolls his eyes at his jokes, threatens to kick his ass, or pester him about his "odd" Earth traditions, Lance loves her. Not in that way, of course. She's become more like a big sister, especially since they've shared Blue. But he'd follow her orders into battle regardless.

The princess turns to them in her pink and white paladin armor that somehow also captures her eyes perfectly and gestures to what they've found. It's an old communication hub, and as she grips the crystal it glows, revealing images of the planet and the paladins. It's a lot like Earth, Lance realizes with a sad smile. He could picture living here easily, with everyone and maybe some friends from the Garrison. What would their lives be like? 

"It looks like the locals here weren't too elusive with their evacuation." 

"With us here, I don't see why they would be," he says with a smirk, all too comfortable with the way Allura rolls her eyes at him. 

He doesn't notice Pidge's all-too-knowing glance at Hunk, and he surely doesn't notice a certain paladin flushing bright red at the sight. 

\---

"Back there." Keith is looking at him accusingly, which is... kind of cute, actually. "You didn't need to do that."

Lance whistles, looking at his outstretched hands with practiced ease. 

They're back at the castle, and no matter how hard Lance tries Keith seems determined to  _not let this go_ , so he's trying not to panic. 

"Sounds to me like _someone's_ jealous of a certain paladin," he teases, careful not to mention his almost-fatal blast at Red. He knew how much the other boy loved his lion, he could still feel it through their current bond. Was he always like that? 

Keith scowls, a reaction that Lance is used to by now, but stops suddenly. 

"You don't have to look out for me," he says quietly, in a tone so soft that Lance freezes. But then the moment fades away as quickly as it comes, with Keith yanking off his helmet with a quick sigh.

"I can defend myself, you know."

There it is. Classic Keith. But Lance can't even find it in himself to be mad, so he shrugs, not entirely keeping the smug grin off his face.

"Never questioned it."

Keith's gaze settles on him for a second too long before he looks away with a huff, and Lance lets out a sigh of relief. 

He hadn't blown his cover. Yet.

 

 

 

 


End file.
